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VMAs: VILLAINS, MORONS & ASSHOLES

By THE CUNTESS

. In GOSSIP

Hi everyone, it’s the CUNTess.

 


This year MTV opened the gates of hell to all irrelevant people just to fill the sweaty seats of Radio City Music Hall. Gaga and I have quietly quit pop music in order to build our acting careers and buy new faces. But others haven’t been so smart…Now let’s review the “LOOKS” put together by people who should get fired.

 

 

“I’m not a stripper anymore!!! So with the last crumpled bucks stuffed in my Pleaser Platforms I bought a gown made from the carpet in the champagne room.”

 

 

“I love the smell of roids in the morning!”

 

 

“I hide all the XANAX my boyfriend gives me under my tongue, wait for him to pass out and sell the pills to his preteen fans on the dark web.”

 

 

“I met Satan in Joshua Tree and sacrificed my glamour to Her* in exchange for the career She* stole from me!”

 

 

“Kanye loved when I dressed like this…is he here? Does he ever mention me?”

 

 

“Hi everyone, it’s ME! What do you mean, WHO? My name is Rita Ora! No, I’m not new, I’ve…been here a while. I’ve got a purpose, you know. I’m here to show the music industry that there will always be something worse than Joanne.”

 

 

“I left my stylist in Havana”

 

 

“I love my Kardashian baby but I love blue shampoo more.”

 

 

“I’m fucking this guy from SNL and stealing his charisma through my vagina.”

 

 

“This mosquito net will protect my ass from all the ugly leeches in this shithole.”

 

XOXO,
The CUNTess

 

*Lady Gaga