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You hungry for some gossip?




When I first met Clare-the-Weight-of-a-double-barrel-Keller. All royal Brit-but-German ending of a name right there!


It was a while back in London, when I went in to do some work on her first Chloé, summoned to West London, to present. But a fucking Friday morning nevertheless. Everyone knew Friday mornings were Sundays. I thought they were Sundays. With the extra rank of proper old corner store meph happening on me, there was the need to be left alone banging on an iPhone 4 Grindr screen that never loaded, desperate for the D. It wasn’t the case. It wasn’t the iPhone.



Times have past, apparently.


I had done the last Chloe under the previous Chloe and then it was Her time to Chloe after so many other Chloe’s, but the semi-lol was… I’d been so rot the night before with my ex work partner who I adore… and we were like (this is like 2010 I think?) knocking back an English Breakfast avoiding a lil vom in bloody West London someplace in a caf, scathing our lives and outcomes.


We met the Wait / Weight at that swish restaurant where Fashion East would happen, on the Kings Road. I just literally can’t remember the name (corner shop memory effervescence) Bluebird…


‘So she got Chloe’


‘She’ll hate us’


‘What now?’


‘She is gonna wear all beige.’


‘My liver’s beige’


‘Totes, all beige’


‘Head to toe beige’


‘Chloe is a bit beige’


‘Totes beige, babes’



She walked in, head to toe in a Pantone beige so extremely matched and unapologetic in its cruciality for the job at hand, we were in shock.  We looked at each other, like Beavis & Butthead & overwhelmed were like…


‘We were thinking about double layering a bit of old Karl Lagerfeld Chloe with…’


‘We were thinking Animal meets Heritage meets layered…’


‘Respect to the former…’


We weren’t really thinking, we were just looking.

I’d never seen a nail match an iPhone cover before.


…now she’s taken Givenchy and I wonder how on earth that happened.


Or what is happening…


And I wonder if she’s dyed her hair and nails red or synchronised black or…

If Maria Carla is carrying her handbag but…

She isn’t and hasn’t.



Its funny when your expectations arrive as expected but shock you in to wondering wether you need to take a week out of the pubs, and just wait for more work or stop.





Balenciaga though … it took me some time… but eventually its just uglyfying fashion in an era where nobody is wearing Vivienne Westood, or participating in the other, or bothered watching her Painted Ladies while fashion’s middle-aged, who are actually terrifyingly young – cry over Lanvin – but can’t not prostrate themselves before this altar ‘cos – sadly – its all there is… and Lotta is major and she’s possibly the only one, and she can.




Can we talk about Donatella?